This is a question. This is not an answer. It is a question.
As i come to the midway point of my six month plan i am taking this opportunity to look back on where i have come from, what i have achieved and where i am now. I had an ideal of being an artist like none other, who shared freely of the deepest parts of himself. I made a commitment to being completely open and honest with my fans. It was about doing things in a new way. A new paradigm for life where people can handle the complexities of a whole human being without the polarized politicalization of CHARACTER. today these high dreams for society and the world (and the implementation of those dreams in the petri dish of my career) are at the forefront of my mind. Ive been filming myself for months now. letting all the trials and tribulations unfold on camera and unabashedly sharing them with the world..but is this really the way? are people ready for the flawed hero? for the truth behind the facade? we build up our heroes to be champions. Their stories speak to us of what humanity can achieve. When Beyonce is phenomenal onstage we all get to be phenomenal and we WANT to worship her as a Hero in our midst. These icons give us hope for humanity but in the end they are human. But do we want them to be human? i mean deep down? One would probably say yes. but i mean, do you REALLY?
Would you want to know if Beyonce had a yeast infection or was constipated or any of the other mundane or uncomfortable elements that make up this experience of being human? would you want to see her at her lowest point? Lashing out, or mean or rude or scared? All of these things that are an integral part of being human? I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe we want her to be more than that. to pretend that none of those things exist for her. I'm realizing there is a line. My ideal of full disclosure is an impossibility as one could never communicate the entirety of what it is to be them through words and pictures and videos and even a personal encounter. therefore whatever people are left with is an impression. A caricature of the self. And with limited "airtime" (that is to say there is a limited amount of computing power that can go into judging and evaluating someone) what will i choose to show? will i show you the fears and the doubts..the struggles and the frustrations? the moments i am at my worst? or do i filter this character to be a HERO? an idealized version of myself that gives hope and strength to the world. The politician smile is something I've resented for a long time but would you really want to hear obama give his every opinion? would you want to hear how he REALLY feels about the republicans? Or FOX news? i dont know.
As i sit here wondering what it will take to "break" as an artist, these are the things that are on my mind. I don't know if my experiment is working. I have a picture of myself. He's costumed, he is made up perfectly and he stands powerfully to face the night. This character has been with me for a long time. I've seen him in my dreams and I've lived him on stage but i wipe him off at the end of the day. Is the world ready to watch me take the make-up off and be awkward and forget my keys and make mistakes. Would they STILL respect the strong, powerful performer who appears on stage? it is an act but it is no less a part of me...it is as much of an act as the calm, collected fellow i become in the grocery store, or the fun drunk friend i become in a nightclub. they are all acts. So the QUESTION is HOW MUCH do i reveal? when is it too much? When my album come out in a few months i am setting it up to be exposed to ALOT of new people. They will like it or they wont but if they like it, and they look deeper into who i am, what will they see? Will showing them as much of ME as possible take away from the fantasy or allow even more of an affinity to grow? I dont know anymore. I'm starting to think id rather Beyonce show me all her Wonder Woman and leave Diana Prince behind closed doors but, again, this is a question. Not an answer. A question. what are your thoughts?