Saturday, December 8, 2007

first thoughts....a spewing

So I'm writing a blog. My mind manically switches between the fear of an empty destination that no one cares about to the pressure of being a beacon of sanity for hundreds and hundreds of people.....delusions of grandeur? maybe..
but I do have a hope for this world and a desire to do my part, albeit from a distance...

Don't get me wrong
, I'm ecstatic that Al Gore turned the seemingly un-turnable tides and started the "Green Age"....but, I find myself suddenly smack dab in the doldrums of common society, an awkward place for a self-proclaimed outsider who builds his life on exclusivity. It seems there is a vague "swiss cheese" factor in the concept of environmentalism that didn't exist four years ago. It leaves a slightly bitter taste in my mouth.
Or is it just that in my backwards, jaded way, I now I have nothing to fight against? no "them" with their refusal to face the truth of inevitable calamity, suddenly the whole world see's the truth and instead of celebrating the victory of humanity's realization..I retreat to a place where I can once again identify myself by what I am fighting.....or better yet, its the death of my "apocalyptic disaster as a platform for a musical career"... dashed to pieces as the concept of global ruin becomes a mainstream topic and even "My Chemical Romance" is heralding the impeding disaster as seen in their hit music video for "the black parade" that was supposed to be me god damn it!!!.................
jesus... am I really that self centered?
My ex-boyfriend thinks so. He's usually right, the bastard.
well,
it seems my hero complex strikes again.....

2 comments:

ART OF J said...

This is the shit... you rock... I'm signing up .... ;) Love ya you ego maniaC!...LOL

Anonymous said...

haha reading this I can hear your voice in my head lol funny, great read,back in sydney now hope you are well!
Pat