dear mr. prez dont fuck this up.

Dear Obama,
I voted for you. i was among the millions who were thrilled that finally there would be change in our government. i like you. i was engaged in politics in a POSITIVE way for the first time in ten years. that enthusiasm is waning. I am beginning to see you may not be as gutsy as i hoped. you may not have the brawn to muscle through the challenges of a ruthless and destructive republican sabotage. I know its not easy and i feel for you, but we chose you to be our leader because we thought you had what it took to stand up to them. this week a decision will be made on your unprecedented health care reform bill. i know more than anything you want it to be passed as a way to boost your ratings and show what you have accomplished so far, but the fact that you would be willing to move forward without a public option has thrown my support of you into question.
The pubic option is the ONLY thing that will keep the insurance companies at bay and foster the REAL competition that will keep their service high and the cost low. Without it, making health Insurance mandatory is one of the biggest mistakes you will make in your career. How can you force us to take a crappy product from corrupt companies who have shown time and time again that they arent at ALL in the business of keeping and making people healthy? By not including a public option in this bill you are actually enslaving your country to this backwards and corrupt healthcare system.
If you fought for a public option, i would stand behind you. My love and hope for what you could bring to our country would soar and i would give you everything i had to make it happen. The people are not dumb. We know what you are doing. you need to get this bill passed regardless of its end quality because politically it will kill you for it to die. but please, myself and the thousands upon thousands of uninsured Americans are begging you with our very lives to take this risk, to shoot for the moon.
One day our country will get it right and when our children look back at your presidency, do you want them to say; He fought for REAL change and, though it wasn't easy and he didnt always win, he always stood for what was right. Or do you want them to say; he did whatever he could to stay in power, including standing behind a weakened bill that wont do much for our country. At this juncture it is seeming like the latter, and it is disheartening. i want you so much to be the change i can believe in...and you CAN be that RIGHT NOW. this week. please. take a stand for the public option, Obama, and watch the world celebrate behind you...

your humble constituent,
Cassidy Haley

fame, icons, fantasy and truth

This is a question. This is not an answer. It is a question.
As i come to the midway point of my six month plan i am taking this opportunity to look back on where i have come from, what i have achieved and where i am now. I had an ideal of being an artist like none other, who shared freely of the deepest parts of himself. I made a commitment to being completely open and honest with my fans. It was about doing things in a new way. A new paradigm for life where people can handle the complexities of a whole human being without the polarized politicalization of CHARACTER. today these high dreams for society and the world (and the implementation of those dreams in the petri dish of my career) are at the forefront of my mind. Ive been filming myself for months now. letting all the trials and tribulations unfold on camera and unabashedly sharing them with the world..but is this really the way? are people ready for the flawed hero? for the truth behind the facade? we build up our heroes to be champions. Their stories speak to us of what humanity can achieve. When Beyonce is phenomenal onstage we all get to be phenomenal and we WANT to worship her as a Hero in our midst. These icons give us hope for humanity but in the end they are human. But do we want them to be human? i mean deep down? One would probably say yes. but i mean, do you REALLY?
Would you want to know if Beyonce had a yeast infection or was constipated or any of the other mundane or uncomfortable elements that make up this experience of being human? would you want to see her at her lowest point? Lashing out, or mean or rude or scared? All of these things that are an integral part of being human? I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe we want her to be more than that. to pretend that none of those things exist for her. I'm realizing there is a line. My ideal of full disclosure is an impossibility as one could never communicate the entirety of what it is to be them through words and pictures and videos and even a personal encounter. therefore whatever people are left with is an impression. A caricature of the self. And with limited "airtime" (that is to say there is a limited amount of computing power that can go into judging and evaluating someone) what will i choose to show? will i show you the fears and the doubts..the struggles and the frustrations? the moments i am at my worst? or do i filter this character to be a HERO? an idealized version of myself that gives hope and strength to the world. The politician smile is something I've resented for a long time but would you really want to hear obama give his every opinion? would you want to hear how he REALLY feels about the republicans? Or FOX news? i dont know.
As i sit here wondering what it will take to "break" as an artist, these are the things that are on my mind. I don't know if my experiment is working. I have a picture of myself. He's costumed, he is made up perfectly and he stands powerfully to face the night. This character has been with me for a long time. I've seen him in my dreams and I've lived him on stage but i wipe him off at the end of the day. Is the world ready to watch me take the make-up off and be awkward and forget my keys and make mistakes. Would they STILL respect the strong, powerful performer who appears on stage? it is an act but it is no less a part of me...it is as much of an act as the calm, collected fellow i become in the grocery store, or the fun drunk friend i become in a nightclub. they are all acts. So the QUESTION is HOW MUCH do i reveal? when is it too much? When my album come out in a few months i am setting it up to be exposed to ALOT of new people. They will like it or they wont but if they like it, and they look deeper into who i am, what will they see? Will showing them as much of ME as possible take away from the fantasy or allow even more of an affinity to grow? I dont know anymore. I'm starting to think id rather Beyonce show me all her Wonder Woman and leave Diana Prince behind closed doors but, again, this is a question. Not an answer. A question. what are your thoughts?

slutsville USA

its amazing that people cannot comprehend how someone in our oppressive and puritanical society could Actually just be comfortable in their skin and like to show off without it being some cry for attention or some deep down issue. Ive been getting letters and emails from fans telling me that i dont "have" to strip down, as if the only reason one could possibly have for being free in their body was because they thought that was the only way to get attention or that they had nothing else to offer. I guess i dont realize how unusual it is for someone, especially a man, to be so open and flirtatious in public. well guess what folks, i like taking my clothes off! its liberating! i like flirting with people! im a very free spirit and also work very hard to keep a sexy body and why shouldnt i show it off? it doesn't make my art any less valid, it doesn't mean i don't value myself as an artist or a person, its just another side of me....Madonna is as much an inspiration to me as Ani Difranco, and i want to express all of me! to be honest, the reason i started my career so unclothed was simply because i was so sick of the fashion industry...when any musician can just buy clothes that make them look as cool as can be it becomes contrived, or at least thats where my thought process was...i wanted to express myself in a way that no one could replicate, that was exclusively my own..and so the half-naked body painted character emerged.
I come from a VERY liberal background of northern california where i spent years running around naked in hotsprings and rivers with the wild abandon of freedom. nudity was, is nor will be a big deal! i have nothing to hide! Personally i think if people wore less clothes more often the world would be a better place. its reality. underneath the high powered business suits, and the elaborate dresses and whatever other costumes we wear (and they are all costumes by the way) we are naked, fleshy animals with beating hearts and digestive tracks. There is very little difference between wearing a bodice in a romeo and juliet play and putting on the suit you wear to work, or the jeans you wear to the movies...we clothe ourselves to play a role in this game of life and THATS all! it doesn't mean anything...the studded leather jacket wont make you cooler, the ballgown wont make you a queen, the suit wont make you successful...everything we are and everything we can become comes from within. then why not play a little dress up? i love to play make believe...but i think its important to realize that ITS JUST A COSTUME. and no matter what we wear through out the day we will be confronted with our bodies when we strip it down. and why are we so afraid of our bodies? it reminds me of the scene in one of my favorite movies The DARK CRYSTAL where the outcast skeksi is stripped down in humiliation...all his elaborate robes are gone and he is just a small pitiful creature. But its not real! its some obscure social construct! why not run naked through the streets! let the sun shine on our god-given bodies and proclaim ourselves the children of this wonderful world! my point is that if all you see when someone reveals their body is sin or emotional trauma, perhaps you should look why you cling so desperately to these preconceived notions of what is "acceptable". because it IS possible to have people in this world who are comfortable with thier bodies and with their sexuality and have no problem freely sharing both with the world and have it be a healthy positive act. so instead, why dont you join me? i will be dancing naked in the sun! or mooning my fans late at night on a ustream. or twitpic-ing myself in my underwear when im happy about results of a very drastic lifestyle change towards health and vitality.

reconciling the past..

my godmother was a woman whom my mother was partnered with at the time of my birth. had they not split up when i was two i probably would be calling her my mother right now, but alas they did..and so she stayed in my life through an occasional visit to her wonderful little world of a home...she taught me about the unseen. the potential of the human mind..inspired me about making a difference in the world...told me i could do anything...she was my soul mama all around and gave me so much. she suffered from multiple sclerosis and so was bedridden and my whole life was in and out of hospitals..therefore when i got a call 2 months before my 21st birthday that she needed to go back to the hospital this didnt phase me as much as it should have, or would have to someone else with a different experience. i was young...i was experiencing a life that i had always dreamed....living in an amazing house in berkeley with amazing friends...we performed together in a circus and i was living the dream...being 20 i was also extremely distracted and oblivious to a few things..especially famiy related. anyways, needless to say i got off the phone with my godmother and went on about my life. two months later, days before my 21st birthday, i got another call. my godmothers roommate. "where have you been???Diane is so sick...she needs you.." i was suddenly brought back to earth...she had said she would be out in a few weeks...but time have slipped by...i rushed down there...walked into her hospital room and beheld a site that i will never forget. she was so far gone..so close to the end...i could barely recognize her. she looked up at me and said "Where have you been?" her eyes were so hurt..so betrayed..i was filled with the most shame and guilt i have ever experienced. IT WAS MY FAULT. she said so. i left crying like never before and while i was able to go back and make peace with her before she died, her words haunted me for years...after she passed i took up and left the city..i hitchhiked to rainbow gatherings, i joined the hare krishnas...and went to burning man...it was the summer of 2001. trying to hide from this deep shame and pain of killing my godmother i hid behind a facade of fantasy and drugs...we were bad ass...the style was impeccable..the dream complete..the music was sexy..the intention was pure...i knew that what we had should be shared with the world and i knew that my voice, and my songs could take us there...on the morning of the last day i dropped an innocent hit of acid..the party was just getting started afterall..i went on about my morning until about an hour later i suddenly broke down...i was screaming and crying and even the love of the goddess temple couldnt appease me...my most amazing of friends tried to calm me down...tried to give me peace..but i was in agony..i was experiencing the death of my godmother and all the torment i had been suppressing...i started fading in and out of consciousness..and suddenly i could feel two paths emerging..one path was the path of love...i would live a happy life where i cared for the people around me and was loved in return...or i could lead a path of success..where i would achieve all of my wildest dreams of being a superstar and sharing my music with the world..but the sacrifice would be love. what it would take to get there would mean leaving all of my love behind..i would end up alone and miserable..loved by the world but loving no one. these were the two paths ahead of me. i could go between them with my consciousness...but i had to choose..the trip finally ended but that feeling of pain, that i could never have everything i wanted...that i would have to choose between an open heart or a dream fullfilled has stuck with me since then. ive processed it many times and even made amends with her on a beach in Bali the first time i went out there...i spoke with her through the fullest of moons and she forgave me..and i forgave myself..it was resolved on one level that night..but now, years later from even then, sitting in the arclight movie theater...it was resolved on an even deeper level. i have been confronted with the purest of loves recently..and in facing this path of finding love i have been afraid..afraid that by giving into it i would loose something else..this fear of love has effected my relationships with all of my friends..i hold back. i dont give them the love i know i have because im so afraid of losing myself to it.. i want so much to share my music with the world and achieve the level of success and artistic quality that i see in my mind..and i have been holding onto this idea that i dont deserve it..that on some level i am broken and evil and can never achieve everything i desire..but last night...i got it. i saw the scared little boy who was just distracted and missed the last days of his godmothers life...the little boy who loved so much that the pain in his godmothers eyes was too much to bear..who took on the guilt and the shame and resolved never to love again because he let her die...In the arms of a new love, i was able to see this and let it go on such a deep level. i feel more free today than ever before. i feel liberated and empowered and i am so ready to love the world and share my music with the world without fear and the biggest gift is that having taken this on i can bring her into my life again..she can once again be my guide and my muse and my mentor..and i can let her in... ive always wondered why i keep killing all my plants..and now i know that i have been unwilling to love them for fear of destroying them and myself. today i buy a fern. which is my favorite plant that always dies. i am ready to love it and the world and my family and my lover.... love...i am yours.

Music video for "Little boys and Dinosaurs"

my music video..."whiskey in Churches"

Im performing tomorrow at Mustache Mondays!

its been waaaay to long since ive performed...so im terribly excited..i recently came to the realization that performing is the most fulfilling thing i have ever done and what keeps me going every day...it keeps me healthy and sane and focused on the good things in life...i just need to sing and put on a show..and i will be happy...
its at La Cita in downtown LA at hill and fourth...